Buildings, Like People, Have a Low Heat Tolerance Too

After months of rain and chilly temperatures, uncommon for the Sunshine State, the California heat has finally started to kick in as witness by this week’s heat wave. Temperatures soaring to the 90s even the 100s, in some inland locations, have been witness on several thermometers sending Californians into panic as they all chant in unison “It’s getting hot in hurr,” while they stock up on bottles of Voss water and personal cooling systems. Old people and children have been advised to stay cool and keep hydrated in order to prevent heat stroke and other heat related diseases such as being really pissed off and annoyed at everything.

This heated silent threat, however, has been affecting some of the most vulnerable yet unnoticed Californians, Californians such as my office building that is feeling the pain of the heat. An office wide communication was sent out earlier today as a preemptive defense against the blasting California heat that rivals the temperature of Mars. The alert is posted below, as issued by the building management via our receptionist. Please note that this email has in no way shape or form been altered for entertainment purposes, it is “as is” with the name removed for anonymity (and liable charges).

“XXX XXXXXX, our building supervisor, has informed me, that today’s temperature is expected to reach 107 degrees outside. This building’s system is designed to handle temperatures up to 90 degrees. He suggests we keep the blinds closed to help keep cool.”

Yes, the suspicions are correct…buildings, like people, can’t take the heat. As a result, this building has decided to cave in and quite possibly malfunction once the mercury rises to 91 degrees.

Perhaps it is the years of extreme California temperatures that have wrecked havoc on this building and this is why there is no love in the elevators thus causing them to rattle when you ride them or to get suck in between floors. Or perhaps it is the heat that is why the emergency door handles to exit the stairs fall off leaving you stranded in the stairwell. Or maybe it is the heat that causes all the building specific power outages and resulting non-AC so that you are sitting in a forced team brainstorm in not much else but a cami and slacks pulled up as if they were shorts.

Or maybe, just maybe, it moves beyond the heat and this building is just (peering over my shoulder) ghetto. There I said it! 90 degress, COME ON, this is California not Antartica it gets to 90 all the time from June-September so i am just failing to understand here. I will be glad to say good-bye to this joint come June.

I guess, I will have to sit and wait it out to see what happens. Thank God I wore my “its so hot today and I can’t think” skirt today. Until then, I will take the stairs, have a pair of pliers with me so that I can open the “emergency” stairwell door and hope for the best. And building, just so you know, unlike Easy-E I won’t mourn you till I join you (although the location I will mourn…and Cascals too, so good).